Daddy

My relationship with my father has always been a tricky one.  Yes, there is love.  But also inconsistency.  Yes, there has been pride in my accomplishments.  But also the need to prove my worth.  Above all, as a pastor, there is pressure. Pressure to get it right; pressure to forgive and reconcile and move on with everything picture perfect.  It’s definitely impacted my relationship with God.  I cringe whenever I pray, “Our Father….”  I feel guilty and disconnected.  I keep wondering what it is that I need to do to make God happy – a proud Father.

As I have journeyed with this over the years I hadn’t actually realised quite how far I’d come: how the sense of my belovedness has snuck up on me and started changing me from the inside out.

It was with great joy and wonder that as I read the words from Romans 8:15 “And by him we cry, ‘Abba, Father,” God, as Daddy, suddenly made sense to me:

Daddy, I need you to simply sit beside me tonight.

I need to feel the warmth of your presence

and to know that I can rest safely in your mighty arms.

I need you to pull me close

and whisper words of love and assurance into my heart.

I need to know that despite my faults and mistakes,

I remain precious in your eyes

and that you love me simply because I am yours.

Hold me until I feel safe.

Hold me until I am healed.

Hold me until I know love.

Hold me until I see where I truly belong –

ever, always, on your lap and in your arms.

Amen. 

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